fullmetalfisting:

fullmetalfisting:

God can you imagine if Donald Trump became president? There’d be like a new bubonic plague and he’d be like “idk drink bleach about it”

Throwback to when I took acid for the first time in 2013 and predicted the events of 2020 like the fucking oracle of Delphi

magnetic-deflection:

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new femme-only 7-11 opened on my street

correctopinionhaver:

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starless-planet:

Me, age 10, doing an essay on the pharaoh’s curse for school: huh. So this archeologist that died and everyone thought it was because he disturbed the pharaoh’s tomb actually died because he used a rusty razor to shave and it infected a mosquito bite. I can see how people could come to that conclusion, but it is a bit silly

Me, today, shaving my mosquito bite-ridden legs: I must tread carefully lest I incur the pharaoh’s wrath

oztheterrific:

found a rock in the kitchen and as I was about to throw it in the trash I thought “wait this is cruel I should let it outside” as if it was a living thing

gaybichon:

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LMFAO

lawoftheclaw:

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knight–error:

odd-maid3n:

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raiasintended:

bogleech:

It’s funny when Tumblr screenshots circulate other websites or you show one to someone who’s not super online and they think they’re supposed to pay attention to the usernames as a part of it so they get really hung up on the fact that a comment comes from a handle like “SloppyMuppetBalls” or “werewolf-smegma-collector.” No not that part. That’s the normal part. Don’t laugh at our dear friend ClownHoleSlurper I’m trying to show you their insightful takes on economics

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pansyfemme:

was going through some of my health records and some doctor put “dresses oddly” next to my psychotic symptoms. hey fuck you too man